You ever have one of those days where you wake up feeling completely overwhelmed from the moment your eyes open? Where the weight of so much on your mind is almost paralyzing? Where you honestly feel like you can’t even get out of bed or want to just crawl back under the covers until tomorrow?

Yeah I had one of those days this past weekend. Full disclosure, this is about to be one of those Ally Sheedy/Allison Reynolds dump your purse out moments.

I always promised on this journey (that I have severely ignored and left by the wayside for most of last year…. hence part of the weekend meltdown) that I would always be honest - good times and bad times, pretty and ugly, and not just post the good stuff. No journey is a yellow brick road lined with daisies and happiness unless your several medicated. LOL. Doing it right means its messy, not pretty and not always sunshine and roses.

So here it is….. the ugly…..

I was overwhelmed. Really overwhelmed. I’m usually one that can Pollyanna her way out of most things… but not this time. I woke up in a funk; feeling tired, sad, useless, worthless and just blah. The past couple weeks had been tough - the fires and all the uncertainty and fear that placed in all our lives, the loss for some of our friends losing EVERYTHING, a parent with health issues, a friends mom with health issues, another friends dad with health issues. Add that to struggling myself with my fitness goals and if they are really attainable, macro-tracking and emotional food eating issues, training and all its demands with low motivation at that moment and a few other personal drama issues related to this journey and I was in a-lay-on-the-bed-and-not-want-to-move state. Almost paralyzed.

How did I get here? Why can’t I pull myself out of this? What the HELL is this? I couldn’t answer any of these questions and really didn’t want to at that moment. So what did I do? I gave into the feeling a bit honestly, just let myself be while doing the usual family things that were the have-to’s of the day and just let it all sit. Yes, I spent part of the day laying on our bed watching the two ding-dong kittens wrestle the hell out of each other. I took a long hot shower. I just existed for awhile……

And you know what I discovered? Sometimes that is EXACTLY what you need to do. You don’t have to try and figure out why you are there, you don’t always have to buck up and cheer your way out of it. But you also don’t need to let it fester, frustrate and anger you either, this state. Just let it be. And in the end by doing that, I started thinking of solutions for the things I could fix and took little baby steps in action late that afternoon. And for the stuff I couldn’t fix but was weighing me down I realized the best thing I could do for those in my life struggling I was feeling for, is to love them, offer to help of just be a shoulder, pray lots and send healing vibes and love to them and their loved ones.

I know a lot of that sounds very new-agey, 70’s-hippie-dippy for some but I’ve never been a-buck-up-and-suck-it-up kind of person. Being very emotionally charged and empathetically driven makes for a more holistic thought process at times. I’mAlly Sheedy glad I took the time to just exist for little bit and not feel bad for feeling bad. I got through it. It wasn’t pretty and I left my husband feeling helpless in not being able to “fix” things for me but I am also grateful he just gave me the space to figure it out and listened when I was ready to share.

Am I back to 100%? No, but I’m getting there. Every day is a step forward and a step closer to being back at center.

As my lovely friend Sandra said and I use it as a mantra daily right now:

“Today is a brand-new day Kim”

Yes it is, Ms. Sandra, yes it is.

TODAY is a brand new day.

Ally Sheedy Moment